The little girl within

I got home Saturday night anxious to plop down and begin my fall break. Most of the other students had already been home relaxing for 24 hours by the time I got the luxury, but then again, most of the students didn't get the opportunity to run through the dissipating fog at the cross country meet in LaCrosse on Saturday morning.

So coming home I definitely had some expectations. You know, some good home-cooked meals and affection, lots of sunshine, and time to de-stress and catch up with my parents. I also expected my parents to see how I'd grown (in wisdom, not height) and changed since they last saw me, and I was more than ready to awe them with my new knowledge of sheep brain parts and nervous systems in the body that I was just tested on in Physiology.

What I was not expecting to find were all the changes in them! That's probably really unfair of me, to expect them to stay the same forever and all, but that's what children do! We're brought up thinking that our parents will always be there and always be the same. It's easy to pretend that's the case since their voices sound exactly the same from week to week and they haven't changed all that much in the past (or so I thought)! So I was a little taken aback when I got home and realized that my parents are starting to resemble the grandparents that they now are!

Another thing that hit me again, as it had been evident over the summer too, is that I am no longer their 'little girl'. Or at least I'm not treated like one. I don't get tucked into bed anymore- no more back rubs or bed time songs. I don't get as many hugs or kisses, and usually the few I do get only come from mom now. And when it comes to spending money, most of the money is now coming from my bank account.

All of this is fine and dandy most of the time. I do enjoy the independence that I have and the fact that I can now carry on somewhat-intelligent conversations with my parents. I am almost 20, but still... what about the times when I still want to be their little girl? What about the times when I do just need a hug to let me know that they love me no matter how hard I study or how well I run? What about the times when I want someone to tuck me in, but I'm too 'grown-up' to ask?

At times like these I feel stuck; stuck between grown-up and child, independent but still wanting to feel supported. It will take some time to fully take on this grown-up role and adjust to everyone around me growing older too. But for now, bring on the hugs and back rubs, and remind me once in a while that I am that little girl.